Posted by
Bear Brooks on Monday, January 15, 2007 7:25:10 PM
The Pork Barrels and Their Pork Bellies
This
will be a little unsettling to a lot of people. These jackasses are the
people who decided a long time ago that their ambition in life was to
work for the good old U.S. government. I will briefly describe them and
then give you a solution or at least a plan to prevent yourself from
becoming a jackass too.
First
and foremost is our esteemed Mr. Bill Clinton. We all know he received
“special attention” from his intern while in the White House. I will be
the first American to say this: I do not care whether
Clinton received a BJ while he was president. Do you really think he is
the first U.S. president to receive sexual favors from women? As with
any powerful or public figure, you have to understand that women
actually throw themselves at these men. Women have half the money and
all the… Women have the greatest power in regards to having sex; they
decide when it will happen and if it will happen. If a women wants to
go out and have sex, all she has to do is go to a bar and pick any man
from a group, look at his finger for a wedding band (single men are
easier), and go for it. Unless she is butt ugly, odds are she will be
going home with someone else. A man who brags to his buddies, “Hey
guys, I’m going to get laid tonight,” and goes to the same bar will
come out alone and end up alone masturbating that same evening at home.
If you believe that Clinton had to pursue this woman, then you are too
naïve to vote anyway, and this book will not make any sense to you.
I
think Clinton is a jackass because of the list of wrongdoings and lies
he committed and because of the failures he achieved as our president.
Whether you believe it or not, he deserves a personal life just like
the rest of us; however, the rest of us, I hope, are not cheating on
our wives. We all know that what he received was not “sex” though,
because he said so. Mr. I-Got-Mine, Now-You-Get-Yours-Elsewhere has our
little daughters and sons believing oral sex is not sex. We are now
hearing reports of girls allowing boys to have anal sex with them
because they believe that anal sex allows them to retain their
virginity. What a crock! We did not need to spend millions just to
prove he cheated on his wife; his lies and perjury are a different
story. As for Clinton’s political views, we see these failures come out
of the woodwork on a weekly basis. The jury is still out on Mr. Bush.
Mrs.
Clinton, on the other hand, will be running for president in 2008, and
she will probably win. This woman stood by her man through sex scandals
and a thousand other ridiculous issues while she was probably thinking,
“What a jackass.” She was just biting her tongue, waiting for her
chance to jump into the spotlight. She did jump into the senate and,
while still in office, signed and got advanced money on her book, all
the while skirting the laws against public officials receiving money
for book deals. She timed it just right, so that the deal wouldn’t be
sent to court. You have to understand that more than 50 percent of the
population is female, and the majority of these women will put their
beliefs aside just to see a woman in the White House. Add these women
to the other ignorant party-line voters out there, and she will be a
shoo-in. This will of course backfire in the long run, as they will
soon find out this lady’s plans for America. This woman wants America
to be a Socialist society in which everyone relies on government for
everything. She does not want Americans thinking for themselves or
being responsible for their own actions. She wants the government to
handle all health care, just like it does in other countries. She
neglects to tell you that in these other countries it takes several
months just to see a doctor for a routine procedure. Other countries
have people dying because they cannot get the medical attention they
need. She also neglects to tell you that her plan will not let you see
the doctor you want. You will not be allowed to pay for a quicker
service out of your own pocket because that would be antisocialist.
No
one will tell you that we are paying more than $350,000 for Bill
Clinton’s office space in Harlem, New York. We will spend more on his
office than we have for any other president in history. Not just a
little more but a massive amount more. Does the mainstream media tell
the general public that while Bill Clinton was president he told the
Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) to treat any plane his wife was
on like Air Force One? There is no telling how much it cost American
taxpayers to hold airplanes and passengers at the airport gates while
waiting on Mrs. Clinton.
I
will get off the Clintons now, because it would take me several books
to detail all their wrongdoings, including the ones we have not yet
seen. Look over your shoulder. As we all know, the government is full
of hypocrites and jackasses. So, we will continue on into the meat of
the issues.
Lawmakers
are jackasses. If the Constitution of the United States were written
today, it would be more than 1,000 pages long. Maybe our forefathers
needed the extra paper for the outhouse or something. First and
foremost, why do we have so many laws? No human in the world could
possibly attempt to learn even 10 percent of the laws on the books. How
could the average American know and abide by them? There are more laws
than there are people in some areas. It takes over a thousand pages of
studies, claims, statements, and details to make one simple law. One
set of laws overlaps others, some laws step on top of others, and some
just completely contradict others. We do not need a different set of
laws for every single level of government, all the way down to the
sewer authority. Why can we not have one set of laws for Americans at
the federal level and let the lower jurisdictions follow these and
alter them to fit their particular situations? This way, if you have a
federal law, it is still in effect in East Bumblefudge, New Jersey, or
wherever you may live. A perfect example is the Alabama state
Constitution that contradicts the U.S. Constitution in some areas. Ask
Judge Moore about it.
Why
are there so many stupid laws on the books? Who was the rocket
scientist that came up with the law that you cannot have sex with
corpses or dead animals? Is the general public that stupid? Laws also
get in the way of common sense, as they did in the California forest
fires. As soon as one of the forest fires started, there was a
helicopter full of water within five minutes from the
fire, at which point they had to turn back because of a law that says
state choppers must be grounded at dusk. What a shame that a stupid
regulation caused billions of dollars in damage to California. Lets go
make some more laws.
Consider:
oral sex is illegal with your spouse in some states. You are not
allowed to have sex in a butcher’s freezer. You cannot milk another
person’s cow. Liquor stores cannot sell milk. Drive-up ATMs must have
Braille on them. You cannot drive blindfolded. You cannot bathe two
babies in the same tub. You cannot talk dirty during sex, and only the
missionary position is legal. Men cannot wear gowns in some areas. You
cannot shoot game animals from moving vehicles. The list goes to no end.
What
makes members of Congress think it is just fine to give themselves a
raise? With the economy in shambles, bankruptcies up, unemployment
high, and everything in disarray, they find it a great time to raise
their paychecks. I did not get a raise; did you? There are so many
companies on the verge of bankruptcy, yet they are paying their CEOs
millions of dollars in extra benefits. I will explain more of this in a
later section. What part of economics did I miss? Do they think if you
pay them more they will do a better job? This never works in the real
world. Members of Congress must be special!
Political
party affiliations are for jackasses. I will start this off by stating
an unknown fact: the Democrats are not for the poor, and neither are
the Republicans for the rich. Both parties have one goal in mind: to
stay in power in any way they can. All laws, bills, actions, and other
legal matters that politicians have wasted time on are slanted toward
protecting their party. Every news article or report is slanted, so the
facts favor their party whether or not it is true. Winning is
everything to politicians.
Democrats
are jackasses. They believe they are the only ones that know how to
spend your money. The Democrats want everyone on welfare, Social
Security, and other programs so that when everyone is reliant on the
government, they will never lose power. They want to control your
economic life but want you to have some control over your personal
matters. Democrats want more environmental laws. They want no gay
marriages, but they want gays to have the same rights as married
couples. They want strong gun control. The party wants socialized,
government-controlled health care. They want to hold hands with other
countries preaching peace. They want abortion to be legal. They want
education to be controlled by the government, to fail more children in
the future. They want to keep the failure of a Social Security system.
They want more people to be on welfare.
Republicans
are jackasses. They do, however, want more self-reliance in economic
matters, fewer taxes, and less self-control over your personal lives.
The rich just happen to benefit as a result of lower taxes. Republicans
want to be more self-sufficient with our environment and our natural
resources. They are against gay marriage and benefits. They do not want
more gun control. They want a free market system for health care.
Republicans want a stronger military and a missile defense system to
protect us. They are against abortion. They want to allow free choice
in education and to strengthen discipline in schools with zero
tolerance (which is a joke). They want to privatize the Social Security
system and privatize welfare so churches will distribute money to the
needy.
Libertarians
want you to have freedom in both your economic and personal matters. To
Libertarians, less government is more. They want the United States to
responsibly get our own natural resources. They want gays to have the
freedom to be so if they desire. They want no gun laws and a free
market health-care system. They want to stay out of foreign affairs
that do not pertain to America. They believe the government should stay
out of the abortion debate. The Libertarians want to privatize
education and the Social Security system. They also believe churches
and individuals should be responsible to give money to the needy.
Most
Americans have no idea which party they actually believe in. They
believe what they hear on the news and other television shows. Before
you decide which party you belong to, you need to research all the
parties and all the issues and choose one that best fits your beliefs.
Do not say you are a Democrat because your parents were; that is
ignorant. Get on the Internet and see for yourself how you feel by
taking the world’s smallest political quiz (www.boortz.com is one
location). This quiz is all over the Internet, and most people are
surprised to find out they are actually Libertarian when they thought
they were Democrat or Republican. Choosing a party used to come down to
deciding between the lesser of two evils, but now you have a real
choice, with several other parties to pick from. Good luck with
whichever party you choose.
Wasteful
spenders in the government are jackasses. I think before the government
can spend any money on nonstandard issues, they should have to notify
the public (in a well-publicized manner) of what they plan to do. Not
that I would dare believe in mob rule, but public notification would
give the people a chance to chew on their elected officials before such
a vote could occur. A republic such as ours should not let our elected
officials run rampant with our money without our knowledge. Why did a
previous secretary of defense stay at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons
Hotel at a cost of more than $10,000 to the American taxpayers? Such
waste. I do not know how you feel, but I do not understand how we are
spending millions of dollars studying the mating habits of brown bears
or the life cycles of tree frogs, when we have other important issues
facing America. Find somewhere else to blow it, or do away with these
useless programs, and watch our budget get back in the black really
quickly. If the government wants to blow money that badly, just send me
$500,000, and I will tell you what tree frogs do. They are born, eat,
sleep, sh*t, mate, and die…same as humans. Where is my money?
Consider this:
· $3.6 million was spent to create a wall to keep frogs from getting killed on the highway in Florida
· Another $3.6 million went to team building exercises for the postal service
· $1.8 million was spent to study how algae act in hot water
· $9.5 million went to fund studies on wood
· $170 million was spent to hand out condoms all over the world
· $4 million went to study shrimp
· $1 million went to study oysters
· $8.5 million went to study monk seals and sea turtles
Our
Advanced Technology Program gives hundreds of millions of dollars away
every year to the biggest corporations in America, such as IBM, GE,
Ford, GM, and many others. Can you believe our government is giving tax
dollars to the richest companies in America? See the Heritage
Foundation (www.heritage.org) and Citizens Against Government Waste
(www.cagw.org) for more details. When will this stupidity stop?
The
basic financial concept is the same in any business (and that is what
our government is): if you cut spending, you will increase the bottom
line. Any amount you do not spend goes directly to the net profit
column. Some politicians think a budget is an outline showing what must
be spent. This is not the case. Budgets are guidelines on what you
think it will cost to run a business. Just because you have budgeted to
spend x amount of money on building and improving
roads, that does not mean at the end of the fiscal year you go out and
start repaving roads that do not need repaving (this is how it happens
where I live) just to use all the money. We have roads full of
potholes, a poor drainage system, poor street lighting, poor traffic
control, and numerous other dangerous situations, and we find our
wonderful government repaving a road that was fine just to spend the
money.
The
voting system is run by jackasses. Do you know why we cannot vote on
the weekends? Voting on weekends would favor Republicans. Currently,
the people most likely to get to the polls are retired people,
unemployed people, government workers, and welfare recipients. These
people are usually the ones coddled by Democrats. Democrats know that
the typical Republican voter usually works on Tuesday or drives fifty
miles to work and has a hard time getting to the polls. When you have
businesses to run or jobs that really need you to be there, it is hard
to take time off to vote. The lines are too long, the locations too
few, and the system is in shambles no matter which way you look at it.
As for the voting procedures such as hanging chads and so forth, if you
are too stupid to figure out a polling booth, you need to be at home
playing shuffleboard, or whatever it is you know how to do. Do not turn
up after the results are not what you wanted and say you were
disenfranchised or something stupid. The only thing keeping you from
the polls is yourself or your eight children. Do not blame anyone else
for not being able to vote. It is your responsibility.
Ignorant
voters are jackasses. If you have no idea about the issues or the
candidates, you need to stay at home. An ignorant vote cancels out a
well-informed vote every time. This just puts the voting results on how
many stupid people go to the polls. Let the people who know what is
going on vote on the candidates.
Party-line
voters are jackasses. If you go into the polls and vote straight down
the line for either Democrats or Republicans, you are stupid. Stay
home. Once again, you are canceling out someone else’s well-informed
vote. If you would look at the issues and the candidates, you would
figure out that neither all Republicans nor all Democrats have all the
answers. There are always cases in which a Republican voter finds that
a Democratic candidate would do a much better job. A perfect example is
Democratic Senator Zell Miller from Georgia. Republican voters vote for
Miller over their own Republican candidate all the time. He is not
afraid to go against the Democratic Party to stand up for what he
believes in. This is something you never see in politics. You need to
go into that polling booth and read the names of the candidates for
each office. If you do not know either one of the candidates, do not
vote on that office. All you are doing is supporting the failures of
the voting system. We have intelligent voters going to the polls,
knowing that their votes will not count but will just cancel out the
ignorant votes. When someone tells you, “My vote won’t count,” tell
them, “Yes, it will. It will cancel out a stupid vote.”
Property
rights abusers are jackasses. We hear too many cases of someone losing
their land because some local government official decides that their
land would be of better use belonging to a corporation or to
themselves. Just as well, this program of eminent domain would not work
with the masses. In some cases, we need to sell our property (at a fair
market price) to the government. I do not think a corporation should be
able to convince the local government that they would get more tax
revenue if the corporation owned it. I do not think tax revenue should
ever be the issue when trying to take someone’s land. I can understand
in the case of needing to build a new road to ease traffic congestion
or a lake to build power generators due to population increases but
never just to make more money. Big corporations can get their land the
way everyone else does: overpay for it.
Anyone
keeping our failing tax system in place is a jackass. The average
American works over three months in one year to cover their yearly tax
bill. I know taxes are a necessary evil, but we need to revamp this
system now! The biggest problem is the
politicians spawning ignorance among the voters. The people think a 10
percent tax cut across the board is giving something extra to the rich.
This is stupid. 10 percent is 10 percent. A $400 tax refund means
nothing to a millionaire, but it means a great deal to a normal working
family of four. This is the same situation, only reversed. I do not
know about you, but the tax refund check I received in 2003 helped me a
great deal. I know the average American family does not make over
$40,000 a year.
As
with any other government plan, there are abuses within the system. A
prime example: toll roads. Toll roads are supposed to take a tax burden
off the citizens. The roads are supposed to take tolls until the road
building is paid for, and then it reverts back to a normal road. This
is not the case in any area I have seen. Someone figured out that they
could keep charging tolls and use the money elsewhere to benefit them
in another way. You hear stories of toll road money being used miles
away to purchase land for other projects. Let the people keep their
money.
Why
are our tax laws thousands of pages long? Should it be that difficult
to figure out that you make an income on wages, home sale profits,
stock profits, or any other profit, and you should pay x
percent of that income as taxes. Why does the average American need to
pay (with money they do not have) for a tax professional to do tax
paperwork? If you are like me, you do not have a thousand pages of tax
documents. You probably have one W-2 form to fill out, a house, maybe
two cars, and numerous children. It should be simple. There is too much
room in the laws for cheaters and crooks to manipulate the system.
Don’t
tell anyone about the fair tax system because it makes too much sense.
If you are unaware, there have been bills put in Congress to revamp our
tax system with a fair tax plan. This tax plan would basically let you
keep 100 percent of your paycheck. You would only pay taxes on items
you’ve purchased. They are trying the fair tax system now in Iraq. The
rate is set at only 15 percent. Ours is about 23 percent. The fair tax
system would take the burden off of the companies producing goods. This
would allow them to drop prices 20 to 30 percent because they would not
have to pay taxes. Everyone would get a rebate check every month based
on the size of their family to take the tax burden off the poor. You
would not pay this tax on used items such as homes and cars. This
system has many opponents, especially those in government who love to
be in power. This 23 percent would cover the cost of all aspects of
government, including Social Security and Medicare. See www.fairtax.org
for more information. Neal Boortz and John Linder have a book about
this plan, guaranteed to cure your ignorance on the issue.
The
people in charge of our borders are jackasses. Our borders are our
first line of defense against evil coming into our country. We should
not have to worry every day about who is entering our country with
drugs, weapons, or other illegal items. We have no enforcement at our
borders. There are hundreds upon hundreds of miles of unguarded,
ungated border along the Mexican border. The Canadian border is a joke
too, but we have not had a vast amount of Canadians pouring into our
country. In Mexico, we have hundreds of people dying every year while
trying to cross the border in desert areas. If you are not aware, the
desert gets blistering hot during the day and ice cold at night. In the
southwestern United States, there are citizens leaving food and water
out for Mexicans crossing the border so they will not die.
In
California, the previous governor was attempting to give illegal aliens
the right to a driver’s license. The next logical step after this is
the right to vote. Does anyone else see a problem with this? California
already has a budget crisis, and the politicians in California want to
start giving illegal aliens rights. This will be a never-ending program
of giveaways that California cannot afford. The biggest reason for
these programs is so that politicians can get illegal aliens to vote
for them. I have no problem with anyone coming to America legally.
Diversity is what makes this country great. We will never live in a
perfect society in which everyone always gets along, but we can try to
get along with one another.
The
next argument is that illegal aliens contribute to our society. This
may be the case, but illegal aliens do not contribute to the current
tax system that will be supporting them with free health care and
benefits. They may contribute to beer, wine, and cigarette sales, but
they do not pay taxes. Legal aliens pay their taxes. Is this fair?
Illegal aliens work at places like construction sites,
chicken-processing plants, and so forth that do not take taxes out of
their paychecks because these organizations pay them in cash or
personal checks. Is this fair to other Americans paying over 30 percent
of their income in taxes? There is another argument against illegal
aliens’ work wages. They work below minimum wage laws, and this hurts
other Americans trying to support their families. The minimum wage in
America is far higher than what the majority of people in Mexico will
ever earn. Some people will say these people with low-paying jobs in
America should just get better educated so they will not have to
compete with the illegal aliens; but that will never happen. The world
will always be full of jobs that have to be performed cheaply. Manure
will always have to be shoveled. If I had no job, I would be glad to
shovel manure to put food on the table if I had to. When it comes down
to it, there is no job in the world that is beneath you. You just have
to work harder to keep yourself out of that situation.
The
people in charge of foreign aid and policies are jackasses. This is a
very aggravating issue to many Americans. The normal American, like
myself, wonders every day why all of our tax money goes away to other
countries. Even countries that hate us with a passion get millions of
our dollars in aid and assistance. We have homeless and needy people in
America, and we keep wasting money giving to other countries. I can
understand helping to rebuild Iraq and Afghanistan. How many billions
of dollars are wasted? How many homeless shelters could be built with
that money? Just think, we could build a homeless motel with 200 to 300
rooms in every major city in the United States with all the money that
is thrown away. The homeless people could work for the upkeep of the
motels to earn their keep.
Another
foreign-aid failure is our stupidity in selling weapons to other
countries. How long will it take politicians to figure out that our own
weapons keep getting used against us? Do they not understand that the
Clinton administration sold major nuclear weapon and intelligence plans
to China? Do they understand that this is going to bite us on the
backside?